#AskAndriea: Help! My Mother Is Controlling!

Dear Andriea,

I feel smothered by my mother and I’m about to go crazy. I’m 30 years old and if I come home at 12:05 I’m in trouble??? Andriea I’m bout to be committedto a crazy house. Nothing I do is good enough. I don’t make her happy. She messes with me everyday. I have never felt so overwhelmed until now. I’ve been separated from my husband for almost 5 months and she doesn’t acknowledge my pain, or what I go through as a mother trying to get back on my feet, and she criticizes my every move.

 

#AskAndriea Help! My Mother Is Controlling!

 

Say I make a decision to work somewhere, she tells me, “I’m not supporting that. You can’t do that.” My son is 5, and I would let him stay in the house when it got cold. She said “He needs to go with you.” So ever since then, we walk in the cold to my daughters bus stop. He gets sick and she complains. They haven’t seen their father in months due to her feeling its her decision to make whether he can or not, and if I let him see them I’ll get kicked out.

Anything I say I’m going to do that is positive to me she has negative thoughts. I’m so hurt that my own mother does this to me. I don’t tell my sister cause I don’t want her to tell her I said these things. I need to be prayed over severely. Like go to a church. Respect is what I want. Me as her daughter, as a mother. A person. She is controlling. What should I do? Please help.

 

Anonymous

 


#AskAndriea Help! My Mother Is Controlling!

Dear Anonymous,

Prayer has never hurt anyone, but this situation is a tough one, only because I whole-heartedly believe in respecting parents regardless of your age. There is a VERY thin line between disrespect and asserting yourself, but you have to do something. If you have no other place to go while you work to get back on your feet, I would play by her rules, as far as respecting the way that she runs her household.

 

With that being said, I would most definitely sit your mom down and have a woman-to-woman conversation with her, and remind her that you are a married woman and a mother of your own. Your children need to see you as the mother and not as a child. I get that our mothers will never stop mothering, but she is crossing a line here.

 

Because you are a married woman, she cannot dictate whether or not you or your children see your husband. If he has done something that you shared with your mother, her reaction may be stemming from that information. In marriage, you have to always protect your relationship. When you share intimate details with friends or family members, you have you expect them to hold a grudge against your significant other. If it isn’t completely over between the two of you, find someone else to confide in who will pray with you and who will never judge you or your husband.

 

If your mom isn’t willing to respect you as a woman and a mother, you may have to either go back home and work it out with your husband sooner than planned, or you may have to find another place to stay while you figure things out.

 

I really hope this helps, sis.

 

Sincerely,

Andriea

Also Read: Upswing vs. Downswing

 

Have a question you need answered, or a situation that you would like advice on??? Ask in the comments below, or send anonymous questions to speaktome@aNDrieaDEnise.com.

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