Are you the first to say I’m sorry”, or do you wait until the other person says it, and then you apologize? Is the second person’s apology even valid or genuine? If you are one who says I’m sorry first, and willingly, then you are ahead of the curve, my friend. For years, I was one who didn’t say sorry, and I would try to make the other person feel super guilty so that he or she would feel obligated to apologize first. Most people find it nearly impossible to say those two magic words. Why?
Well, it is because those people perceive saying sorry as losing. How do I know this? Because I was one of those people. Over time I changed, because I decided that I want peace more than I want to be right or to win. Now, I am the first to say sorry. I don’t even care if the other person says it back. It doesn’t matter…to me, anyway.
But why do people see saying “I’m sorry” as ultimate defeat? I asked quite a few people what they thought saying those two little words meant, and almost all of the people I asked gave me a negative view. I honestly believe apologizing first equals a loss to so many people because they feel that they are giving in to the other person and not being heard.
Ultimately, every person on this planet wants to feel heard and understood. When someone feels that they aren’t being heard, arguments happen. And arguments are just two people screaming to feel understood, figuratively and literally.
Every person on this planet wants to feel heard and understood. Click To Tweet
If you are a person who waits until the other person apologizes first, you might want to consider this.
What I Learned from Saying Sorry First
The other person immediately softens, and we are able to continue our conversation productively
The other person feels heard, and is then willing to hear me
I notice just how vulnerable the other person is, and I understand how important their point of view really is to him/her
It’s gets much easier each time
Saying those gut-wrenching words aren’t as terrifying as people may think. Apologizing is necessary, and if you think you have never said or done anything worthy of recanting, you might want to do some self-reflection and get real. Humbling yourself and saying sorry might feel like losing, until you realize what you actually gain from offering those words to someone you may have hurt or offended.
What does saying “I’m sorry” mean to you?