This post is part of A Conversation Piece Tour which I am excited to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers and love advocates. To learn more and to join us in spreading a message of better love communication, CLICK HERE!
After almost 7 years of marriage, you better believe I have learned quite a few things about love. I admit that some lessons were hard learned, as I kept trying to force things to be what I wanted them to be, or what I thought they should be, rather than allowing them to be what they actually were.
Despite my desires to be an independent woman, I led a very sheltered life before meeting my husband. I had glimpses of independence, but I never completely grew into my own until years after I was already a wife. I viewed my parents’ marriage as The Way to go, and I thought I needed to do things the way they had always done them.
I bumped my head a number of times before I finally got the understanding that life had been trying to teach me during the first few years of my marriage. The greatest love lesson that I learned as a wife is that every marriage is different. Seriously, that was a lightbulb moment for me! 💡 My husband and I both guiltily walked into our marriage with the belief that it should be exactly like or similar to our parents’ marriages. WRONG!
We failed miserably at meshing our parents’ marriages in our home, because their marriages weren’t the right fit for us. I remember how hard I laughed at myself, once Caleb pointed out to me that I had started dressing like a 56 year-old. I even borrowed several of his mom’s crock pot recipes, preparing to make dinners the way that he was used to. I was really turning into his mother!
I didn’t get the hint, until one day when he grabbed the crock pot recipes and threw them in the trash. Then, he so sincerely told me that he did NOT want that. He shared with me that he didn’t exactly care for soul food anyway. He wanted something different from what his parents had.
Though we had an understanding when it came to what we ate for dinner, we still struggled in other areas of our marriage, still attempting to mirror our own parents and their relationships.
The Aha Moment When I Learned the Lesson
I met a woman who had been married 4 years longer than myself. She seemed to be so sure of herself and of her marriage. I loved the way she kept her home, and the way that she interacted with her husband. I even loved the way she and her husband were so different from the only marriage I had known.
After a few conversations with her, I realized that my marriage could be whatever my husband and I wanted it to be. It didn’t actually have to be the same as anyone else’s. We struggled for a couple of years, before we started to build our own, unique marriage, but we finally got it right. We both learned a huge lesson, and started to find what worked for us, and life started to get a little easier.
Looking back, it seems like that was such a simple thing, and that I should have known that all marriages are different. BUT some things aren’t common sense to everyone, I guess. What things have you learned about love over the years?
If you are anything like I was, you might need a little push in understanding how much your marriage should cater to your specific desires. I have created a Marriage Customization Guide that can help you create the perfect marriage that fits you and your spouse. Click the photo below, enter your name and email address, and get your download!
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter decided to change the conversation and write a book about changing the way couples communicate by offering 32 bold relationship lessons. She knows this book has the power to change lives. You can grab your copy HERE.